It’s been long, like way to long to have written something. It’s another day , another Tuesday but a Valentine’s Day as they call it. Well, I didn’t find my love so I’m trying to find a way to love me more than before. To give into what I love somehow doing, than depending on people for love that hardly came my way.
It was just another day but without any routine, any expectation any rules. Just a day as it was but with memories of little things that touch today,that necessarily is not love anymore but a shadow of myself that I used to be. The memories are an ode to those little things I cherish about, that made them special to remember and smile when I look back at the times gone by.
Today I am free, free from the burden of scoring in class examination, free from the expectation of trying to be someone in life, to prove to the society , to prove to my parents, free from the thought of meeting the expectations of job, free from the thought that there is anybody out there waiting for me or me waiting for anyone. No hopes no expectations no feelings of pain or pleasure. Some days are just empty , today was one such day.
I have quit my first job and I know not where life will lead to. Today was the first day I stopped being a slave to the the societal rules and norms of what an average life should be. All day I looked at the watch and tried to match as to what I did at this hour of the day just a day before when I was in a full time job. Honestly a part of me was scared , it still is and will be so for sometime I know but there is also a satisfaction of making the call that I wanted to do for long but could not gather up the courage to do so. May be the upcoming days will be depressing, frustrating, I will curse myself for quitting my job, will run away from family and known faces for having to answer the same question again and again. May be someday I will get back to this life of slave forced by circumstances, till then, I want to try being someone different. The road is tough and I am alone in this journey but some little things, some words like “I believe in you” might help me keep walking the path of trial and error till I make any further decision.
You know not who, when, how comes to your help even without their knowledge. I waited for approval from my close ones, parents, friends but never said it to them. Some joked, some gave advice, some started listing pros and cons. What I wanted to hear was “go ahead I believe u can”. Then someday someone said this to me a few weeks back “I believe in you”. The decision I was wanting to take became easier. Somehow I gained a confidence, how I don’t know but I remembered how I used to be confidant back in the days when that someone was around.That very someone had said a few days earlier to this -what have I done to prove to my parents that they will believe in me. That didn’t go down very well with me as I was not prepared for such a statement and suffered questioning myself for a week till the lump in my throat subsided and I started to a peaceful sleep at night. I know not how to respond to all this but these little things, that touch and go.
Virtual relations command today on social media than what used to be real someday in the past. You realize time and tide has moved things way past that you can not reach any closer but only drift farther apart. You have nothing else more to do than smile back to yourself when you meet after years of silence and in the tension of the moment you can not put in the jack of your helmet’s belt. That someone watches over it standing by your side, seeing you fidgeting with the thing, still trying hard but does not lend a helping hand because you do not share that space anymore. Only a voice you hear from the covers outside the helmet that you have been putting the jack in wrong place all these time.
Someone admires you and then you admire someone, the never ending chain goes on and on for few people. Some people are like parallel lines of rail tracks. In ways more than one they feel, look similar or are heading to a similar unknown journey they know not where but they are travelling together ignoring each other’s conscious presence in a forbidden distance that at times tend to meet but they never meet.
It has been many a times that motivated by someone or something that I have taken to writing. But every time, I pledged it to continue for a prolonged period or for my entire life time, I failed to live up to it as the feelings that motivated me, subsided. How time heals nah.!! Yes, as like you are apparently travelling in time now, reading the last few sentences, I too travel back and forth in the life I lived during my college days of engineering. One thing I realized for sure that it is not always that one has to attach emotionally to someone other to be motivated enough to continue something over a period of time. Pleasing self is quite the motivation enough at times to take the steps ahead.
Anyways so where were we??.. Yep, remember…
Of all the memories my life has offered or is still to be experienced, a part of me will always breathe for the moments spent in bliss in the land which apparently became my home for the 2 and half years of my engineering days, that’s Kalyani. Though the name change game is on to change Kalyani to Samriddhi by the present state government. It doesn’t matter whichever government at their own free will changes the name of a place for the so called benefit without considering the identity, emotion, memories people attach with the place. The place still holds it’s existence in the heart of the people with the name that with which it was first etched in history of its existence. No matter how much I move on, wherever I move on, those days I still cherish. For those that have not led a hostel or mess life and those who complain about the life without knowing enough have seriously missed a fortune. Point to be noted, by hostel life it doesn’t necessarily mean to get addicted to drugs and alcohol. Having friends worth dying for is reason enough to avert the addiction and remain one’s usual self.
It was a movement that I had started in home, a revolution against my parent’s will to shift to Kalyani from Chandannagore. The first one and half years of engineering days had kicked off well only to be knocked down by failed attempts on childish crush that lasted short but left the heart battered and bruised for months. Thus was the primary motive of the decision for a change in life and lifestyle. I feel satiated on the fact that I could fight up the conventional perception and fear of my parents to find my own way and stand by it. Hope I could do it more often to not live the rest of regrets I have that I wish I didn’t.
Since the time I gained senses, I had grown up in rooms separated by a 20 inch wall from the hustle of the G.T.Road. Though got accustomed with time with the busy road noise and pollution, overlooking the numerous old wooden framed iron rail protected windows of our house, even then, during sleep at night, the noises of horns from vehicles running all day just didn’t seem to fade away, as if it still felt hurting my ears than actually it did in my brain. Kalyani was just the opposite. I was stunned to find such a fine place so near by.
For those who haven’t been there. Its a model town. Fairly planned, more of residential than like industrial Durgapur. Divided in several small and large square blocks, lanes running as wide as the G.T.Road that I thought was large enough all this while. There is equal width of grass as wide as the roads on its either side and small to huge or no trees, then the boundary walls of one to at max three storeyed houses having furnished lawns and garages attached to each house and then the house started. It did feel like for once that I was in some townships in the States as I had seen in the Hollywood movies. Always thought such modeled towns only existed in the far west. Can you imagine the breath of freshness that spacing could inject in a person who has been living in a place where one house literally grows and breathes heavily on the other. For the start it felt like heaven to me and my friends and the presence of winter just made it awesome.
In the very beginning the roads seem to a bit confusing but then its like a complete block architecture where the map of the place can be pictured in your brain completely. Since college attendance was not an issue in the senior years, time for strolling out was more. The Kalyani bridge or the Iswargupta setu, covered the mighty Ganges and took one from Bansberia, in Hooghly district to Kalyani, in Nadia district. The bridge stretches over 1 km and standing their in the evening with friends or the love of your life as people generally do, is a common scene and just mesmerizing.To add to the senses the huge trucks make the bridge to vibrate like the feel of an earthquake is an eerie feeling to start with but one gets accustomed to. The breeze of the river soothing the senses with the setting sun as the backdrop, the smoke rising from the chimneys of the factories and brick kilns at a distance by the banks on either side of the river, boats carrying goods and men below the bridge providing a top view that one hardly has otherwise makes one linger and get late returning home.
The summers are as gruesome as much as the winters are awesome. Stepping out of the house feels like one would surely get a sun stroke, absence of tall buildings and tress at places makes it painful for one to get out on the roads until necessary. In the evenings as a medium of refreshment we friends used to go to the vast Gayeshpur lake and spend some time. We stayed in Kalynai A 11 block, that had a massive open ground in the centre of the block that provided a clear sky with galaxy of stars to gaze at, lying on the grass, as Kalyani is far more free from pollution than other cities or towns. The foggy mornings of the winter, and the wet grass from the dew overnight soaked the feet at times while walking down to Montuda’s Tea shop that was the hot spot all through the day, early morning to late night 24×7,all through the year. The winters made Kalyani feel like paradise. At times when we friends went down to B block for a dinner in the favorite and popular restaurant Dhakeswari, and then after returning from there we would hit the lanes beside the B 3 ground in Block B, which was equivalent to two football grounds. One could see the night time fog settling over the grass. As we returned back the grunting of the bike in low gear, letting the cold breeze send chill down the spine, while the fallen leaves rolled and rustled by the moving tires, gave us the perfect ambiance that the night demanded after the sumptuous dinner. At that moment it felt, life couldn’t be possibly better.
There are countless memories to pen down everyone one of them in here, but just as an archive that I would like to posses and dedicate it to the city, town whatever one call Kalyani to be is what was my intention here. Today after having moved on from the 2 and a half years stay in Kalyani, it still pulls me back to spend a winter night in there with the friends who all stayed there. But time has changed, our lives have changed, may be I am old fashioned that I hold on to memories, memories that still whisper in my ears, the life of simplicity that once existed till it diluted in the mundane routines of job life.
In one of the several outings with my friend and relative Sreeman, we had set out on a ride to whatever would strike our attention. Suddenly the bright clear sky turned dark and rains poured down. Being unequipped of such an unpredictable nature we had to put back our cameras into the bag and take shelter. As the rain lasted for short period of time and the sky cleared out, god rays seemed to be taking over letting us experience the beauty of nature. This instantly pumped up our adrenalin and made us forgot how drenched we were. The heat of the excitement dried up our clothes that had been made wet by the rains.